Keebler Elves Stage Walkout over Dangerous Working Conditions, Better Pay

Columbus, Georgia-The Keebler Cookie Manufacturing facility at 1 Hollow Tree has been temporarily shut down due to a labor dispute and walkout by the 12,000 elf employees. The teensy weensy protest started peacefully outside the company’s largest plant but soon erupted into cute little violent outbursts let by labor leaders, Zoot and J.J. Factory manager Ernest J. Keebler declined to comment on the protest but stated that he is working with union leaders to resolve the dispute. Zoot leader of the Keebler Pizzeria Workers local #112 spoke out about the loss of Elvin life, “We have been placed under constant pressures for increased production and profit by Keebler’s parent company, Keebler Chemical Weapons Corporation. Our tiny wittle fingers are working as hard as they can but the insatiable humans demand more of our high caloric processed food.”

According to local miniscule police, the protest started at 8am with a walkout of all factory elves. The violence erupted after a harrowing speech by Fryer Tuck. He stated, “When we created Munch-ums in the early ’80’s, profits for the company soared. But, our pay has continued to stagnate and our health care benefits and access to magical healing elixirs have been cut in half. We shall not stand for this.” Parts of the Columbus Hollow Tree facility, were burned when 2 thimbles full of kerosene and a pop cap were thrown. Then thumb sized effigies of Ernest J. Keebler, Ma Keebler, and Former VP Dick Cheney were burned and tossed at the factory entrance.

So far no arrests with teeny little handcuff have been made and the tiny union reps insist that all the worker will remain united and on strike until their demands are met.