Liberal, KS – Wednesday morning, twenty-eight-year-old Angelace Marristein posted another nonsensical comment on her Facebook page. The comment said “OMG…I JUST SAWd [Deleted due to local obscenity laws]” and it caused several users to ‘unfriend’ her. Immediately afterward, she posted a photograph of herself in the bathroom of the local Fuddrucker’s imitating a constipated mallard. Each of these posts received close to 50 ‘likes’ and several encouraging comments. Unknown to Angelace, all but two of the ‘likes’ were added ironically by former acquiescence, coworkers, and classmates.
“Oh, I love her posts,” said Elizabeth Fingerburger, “I kinda feel bad encouraging her. It’s like I’m picking on a mentally challenged kid, but I can help myself.” Fingerburger was a former classmate with her at Liberal Unified High School. She continued, “I do get tired of the pictures of falling rain or sunsets with nonsensical comic sans script promoting some vague idea of ‘girl power’ or ‘getting over a breakup.’ But usually, what she posts is unintentional comedic gold.”
Recently ‘unfriended’ corn oil futures investor, Colin MacGrisel, spoke candidly about her activity. “At first I was commenting on everything she posted. I encouraged her to post more of her ‘wisdom’ and shenanigans. But I got bored with it. Plus, they blocked the Facebook at work. I didn’t have time to comment. Then, she posted something offensive about immigrant chicken farmers poor driving skills and I had to block her. I didn’t want to be affiliated with a bigot.”
While the popularity of her comments has waned in the last year, Angelace has continued her attack on common sense, the English language, and the caps lock key. Some users attribute the downward slope of popularity to the novelty of broadcast ignorance losing its charm. Other say that the unfortunate death her former elementary English school teacher Steven J. Elderjist caused some to turn away. Rumors persist that one of Angelace’s posts was so grammatically incorrect, it may have caused him to hang himself. He was found suspended above his desk with the words “everything i have ever done is a lie” written on the chalkboard. The computer on his desk had an open window displaying Angelace Marristein’s timeline. His death is still under investigation. Angelace’s only comment on his death was, “LOL WHUT?” with a link to a newspaper article about the incident.
For more information on Angelace Marristein, suicide, corn oil futures or immigrant chicken farmers, do a Google search.